We
went to a couples baby shower for some friends this weekend and were told it was
kid-friendly so we brought Townes and Daisy with us. At first, I was in a bit of a panic
because when we showed up there was not a single little one in sight. Not to worry,
we were just the first wave and there was a mini army of babies and toddlers
about to storm the beach. Townes (at two) was the elder statesman of the group so it was a little strange to feel somewhat seasoned as parents in mixed company. It was also
a surprisingly chill group, considering just how many quite new parents were assembled in one
place. Even the childless women seemed to have acute baby fever, all taking
turns cooing and fussing over the bevy of kiddos.
When I visit Phoenix I know most of the kids I meet through my sister’s kids will have names like Ben, Chloe, Max, Isabelle, Charlie and Jack. In fact, there are usually at least two Jacks at every party, and usually not the same two, which makes for an even more confusing revolving door of kids. My sister’s neighbors and friends all favor the classic, the sturdy, the slightly retro in children’s names. Most of my own friends from college subscribed to what I consider the “As the World Turns” variety of kid names (you know, names that you’ve heard on any number of soap operas over the years.) I put Ashton, Ashley, Brock, Brook, Chelsea, Chas, Kylee, Connor, Harper, etc. in this category. Townes is usually an unusual name in any sort of mixed company, but I am always awed by Los Angeles parents for their sheer naming ingenuity. At this particular party, no one even batted an eye at Townes’ name and everyone got it right the first time! Of course there was a little girl there named Lyon. (Not a Leo and not born in March – in case you were wondering).
Major props to the hostess whose tasteful décor was under siege. I had a dopey parent moment when I noticed that while we had arrived with snacks and sippy cups in tow, no one else had thought to do so. My sort of smug, internal “tsk, tsk” was almost immediately tempered with the realization that the stain-prone cranberry juice I had armed Townes with was probably a less than ideal choice to bring to any stranger’s home, let alone one with a coffee-colored deep shag living room rug and tweedy Room & Board sofa. The lady of the house was very gracious and was not at all fazed even when my son challenged one of the other little ones to an impromptu coaster shuffleboard match atop of her replica? original? Noguchi coffee table. Of course, eventually she did remove the adorable teapot that was doing double time as a flower vase from said table. Later still, as we were leaving, I noticed her husband on a stealth mission of coffee table removal to another less kid-overrun corner of the house. Probably a wise move.
My own fumblings with poor juice choices notwithstanding, being the parents with the most experience in the room made me reflect a bit on what we’ve been doing right. Townes is a pretty fun little dude. He’s not shown any sign of the Terrible Two’s to date, knock on every piece of wood in view. And knock on formica, glass, tile and laminate for good measure. He HAS discovered the power of “No!” so most requests, no matter how gently proposed are met with at least an initial, spirited “No!” (or often a chorus of “No no no no no no!”s usually while running away from whatever parent made the request). So I thought I would share one small sleight of hand that Tim and I roll out on a regular basis lately. Instead of throwing our weight around and copping to our benevolent dictator status, we instead offer little man a couple of options. If I need to change his diaper and I get hit with a “No!” I’ll just say, “hey Townes. We need to change your diaper. We can change it on the changing pad or on Daisy’s changing table. Which one do you want to do?” About 90 percent of the time he’ll make a choice. This gives him some say so in the matter and he seems to like that just fine. The other ten percent of the time he might say, “No mommy! Change Townes on the playmat” or “change Townes on the couch” which works for me too. You choose your battles. I got that tip from a friend a while back. I do think it's a good idea to switch up your game here and there and throw in some simple coping tips. Joanne Goddard has some good ones over at A Cup of Jo. During her regular series, Motherhood Mondays, a while back she shared a great post about the collective wisdom of parents and the sometimes surprising tips that have worked for her and her friends/family. This is why she’s pretty much the gold standard in mommy bloggers.
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